Thursday, June 15, 2017

Humor in Military Medicine – The “SIQ” Medical Officer

Whenever I think of my tenures at IAT Pune (now renamed MILIT/DIAT Deemed University) – I remember this hilarious story of The “SIQ” Medical Officer

This happened long ago  in the mid 1980’s.

Read on – have a laugh – and think about it...


THE SIQ MEDICAL OFICER
A Fictional Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE 

A fellow Navy Officer once took his 3 year old daughter to the IAT Pune MI Room.
MI Room stands for Medical Inspection Room – that’s what they call a Military Medical Healthcare Clinic in the Army and Air Force. 
In the Navy  “MI Room” is called “Sick Bay”.
Those days there was a Lady Doctor  a Major of the Army Medical Corps (AMC)  posted to IAT Pune as the Medical Officer. 
A Navy Officer had taken his 3 year old daughter to the IAT Pune MI Room – because the Naval Officer’s small daughter had severe Loose Motions (Diarrhoea).
The moment he entered the Lady Doctor’s office-cum-clinic  the Army Lady Doctor  the Lady Medical Officer – she looked up at my friend’s face. 
Then  the Lady Medical Officer shouted at the Naval Officer: 
“Why are you coming here and disturbing me...? How many days SIQ (Sick in Quarters) do you want...? Just go to the office and tell the medical attendant whatever days SIQ you want. He will fill it up in the SIQ slip” – and  you can take the SIQ slip from there. I have already signed and kept blank SIQ slips over there in the office.”
The stunned Naval Officer told the Lady Army Medical Officer: 
“Nothing is wrong with me. I am perfectly fit for duties. I don’t want SIQ.”
“You don’t want SIQ...? Then why have you come here to the MI Room...?” the Army Lady Doctor asked the Naval Officer.
The Naval Officer pointed to his 3 year old daughter  and  he said to the Army Lady Doctor: 
“My daughter has got “Loose Motions”...”
The Lady Army Medical Officer looked down from the Naval Officer’s face to his tiny daughter. 
The small girl was holding her father’s hand and was standing below him.
Suddenly  the Lady Medical Officer got excited  and  she said: 
“Oh My God – “Loose Motions” can be very serious – especially in children. You must take her to the Military Hospital (MH) immediately. I will call the Ambulance and fill up her Hospital Admission Form. You rush and take her to the Military Hospital Khadakwasla  or  better still  you take her to Command Hospital (CH) Pune – I am sure there will be some Child Specialists over there.”
Accordingly – the Naval Officer took his daughter to the Pediatrician in Command Hospital Pune. 
The Pediatrician examined the small girl. 
Then  the Pediatrician said to the Naval Officer: 
“Why did you bring your small daughter all the way to Command Hospital for a simple case of Diarrhoea...? Your Unit Medical Officer could have treated this easily.
A few days later  at a party  the Army Lady Doctor tried to rationalize her actions  and  she said to the Naval Officer: 
“You look so young that I thought that you were a “Student Officer I did not realise that you are on the Navy Directing Staff. am sorry – but  I mistook you for an Army Course Officer. You see  most of the Army Officers have come to IAT Pune for a Training Course after a hectic field posting. They consider IAT as an Rest and Recreation (R&R) posting – a good opportunity for Rest and Recreation at this salubrious laid back place. The Officers want to relax over here with their Families and enjoy this peace tenure. So  they mostly  come to the MI Room for “SIQ slips” – because – once I declare them SIQ (Sick in Quarters) – they can relax at home and spend quality time with their families.”
We nicknamed the Army Lady Doctor in Uniform as: 
“SIQ Quack  – or  more charitably – the “SIQ” Medical Officer

EPILOGUE
Well – I cannot comment on her medical skills – but – we noticed that “SIQ” Medical Officer was running the IAT Healthcare System like clockwork  in a most efficient way  that would have done “Doc Daneeka” proud. 
Any Officer reporting to the MI Room” was promptly given 3 days “SIQ” – and told to take rest at home.
And – if an Officer protested that he was genuinely ill  he would be rushed to the Military Hospital in an Ambulance. 


VIKRAM KARVE
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Disclaimer:
1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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