Friday, February 27, 2015

NAVY FOOD MEMORIES - COLD CUTS - Humor in Uniform

HUMOUR IN AND OUT OF UNIFORM

NAVY FOODIE MEMORIES
Cold Cuts
Mouthwatering Memories of My Delightful Navy Days
By
VIKRAM KARVE


NAVY STYLE COLD CUTS MENU

This happened 30 years ago, in the mid 1980’s.

The moment I reported to IAT Pune, I was immediately given a “bum job” – Mess Secretary of the Officers’ Mess (of course, in addition to my primary instructional duties).

I duly reported to the President Mess Committee (PMC) in the Mess Office.

“Welcome to the IAT Officers’ Mess,” the PMC, an Air Force Group Captain said, “well, the first thing you will have to do is the valedictory dinner coming up this weekend – plenty of bigwigs are coming, so let’s have a grand affair.”

After uttering those words, the PMC disappeared, leaving everything to me.

I called the mess staff and I was delighted to see that there were two navy sailors – a cook and a steward.

I recognized the cook at once – he had served with me on a ship a few years ago and was now a Petty Officer.

I looked at the cook and said, “Let’s have a cold cuts spread for the valedictory dinner – like we used to have on the ship. I think it will be ideal for a hot summer evening.”

The cook’s face brightened up, and he said, “Very good idea, Sir. It will be a nice change from the usual butter chicken, mutter paneer, daal makhani menu.”

“Let’s have a Naval Pudding too,” I said.

“Sir, I can make Diplomat or Trunk of Tree,” the cook said.

“Let’s have both,” I said, “and we will have a lavish cold cuts spread which everyone will remember for a long time.”

On the morning of the dinner, I personally went along with the cook to the market and stores in Pune Camp to select the assorted cold cut meats and other ingredients.

I wish I could show you pictures of the lavish Mixed Cold Cuts Buffet Spread we had laid out on Banquet Tables on the plush lawns of the IAT Officers Mess.

But this happened 30 years ago, so the best thing I can do to whet your appetite is to download from the internet some delicious “food porn” pictures of cold cuts for your perusal. 

This should give you an idea of what the delectable array of meats in a cold cuts buffet looks like and how scrumptious and fulfilling a cold cuts banquet is. 

I am sure your mouth will salivate when you look at these delicious pictures of the succulent cold cuts.


                                          COLD CUT MEATS



                              
                                                        COLD CUTS PLATTERS





                               

         
                                                         COLD CUTS BUFFET SPREADS


COLD CUT MEAT AND SEAFOOD PLATTER




     
                                       YUMMY COLD CUTS
 (Just imagine entire tables with such delicious mixed meat cold cuts spreads)


COLD CUTS VALEDICTORY DINNER

The valedictory dinner was a grand success.

Everyone appreciated the cold cuts buffet spread.

The PMC and I were sitting in his Office, feeling good in a self-congratulatory mood, when Colonel “S” walked in.

Colonel “S” was most unhappy with the dinner.

“What sort of menu is this for a party dinner?” he complained.

“Everyone says the dinner was excellent – even I enjoyed the food,” the PMC countered.

“All of you are carnivores – in the dinner there were only meats and meats – ham, salami, sausages, mutton, chicken, fish, luncheon meat...god knows what all was there – but there was nothing for vegetarians like me.”

“Sir, there was Russian Salad…” I tried to say.

“S” interrupted me, “There was egg in there…”

“Egg? In the Russian Salad? I don’t think so – though they do put in a few chopped boiled eggs in Russian Salad sometimes, I don’t think last night’s Russian Salad had eggs…”

“But it had mayonnaise – there is egg in mayonnaise – and one of the puddings had egg too – in the custard – this is total injustice to vegetarians – the only thing I could eat was those bread rolls, terribly tasting cheese and a few raw vegetables,” complained “S” bitterly.

“Okay, your point is noted,” the PMC said.

After “S” had gone away, the PMC said, “These bloody Pongos can’t appreciate good cuisine – I think we will have the standard Army Style party menu next time.”

So, for the next dinner party we had the standard greasy “Fauji” party menu.

But “S” was still unhappy.

“S” started his sob story: “For the non-vegetarians there was chicken curry, fish fry, mutton…”

“Mutton..?” I said, surprised.

“In the small eats – don’t think I didn’t see the heaped plates of Boti Kababs, Seekh Kababs, Shami Kababs along with the Chicken Tikka, Fish Finger and Prawns – and for the vegetarians there were only peanuts and wafers…”

“And mixed pakoras – cauliflower, palak, potato, onion…” I added.

“S” interrupted me and asked, “Where is the equivalence?”

“Equivalence?” I said, nonplussed.

“Yes, where is the equivalence between the food served to non-vegetarians and vegetarians?” asked “S”.

“Sir, in last evening’s menu for vegetarians we had paneer, daal, palak, vegetables – all these have plenty of protein and vitamins just like non-veg dishes – healthwise they have the same, maybe even better nutritional value…” I said.

“Who is talking of nutritional value? I am talking of monetary value. I have calculated the cost of all the non-veg food you served last night – it is double the cost of the veg menu – and you charge the same amount of party share to veg and non-veg…”

“Sir, please…”

“And in that bloody western style cold-cuts party of yours – the disparity was even worse – it is total injustice for the vegetarians…” said “S” bitterly.

I was getting fed up of his diatribe so I said to the PMC: “Sir, let Colonel “S” organize the next party – let him decide whatever menu he wants.”

“S” readily agreed and the PMC gave his okay.

At the next party, the buffet spread out on the dining table was a bonanza for vegetarians – paneer shahi korma, mutter mushroom, malai kofta, dal makhani, Navratan Korma in rich Cashewnut gravy laden with pineapple and other fruit and a rich dry fruit embellished pulao – in short, the works.

And on the non-veg side of the table there was just a measly looking chicken curry, as if “S” had personally supervised it.

As usual, I was well prepared for the party and had built up a good appetite – a game of 6-a-side hockey, a swim in the NDA pool, followed by 6 large pegs of Hercules Rum had made me happily high and voraciously hungry.

I had a look at the measly looking chicken curry.

I ladled in a leg piece of chicken and some curry on my plate.

I noticed “S” looking at me – he had a gloating look of triumph and victory.

I looked at the array of delicious dishes on the vegetarian table.

I could not resist the temptation  so I crossed over and started heaping my plate with the vegetarian delights.

“S” suddenly appeared by my side, “You are non vegetarian. Why are you taking vegetarian food?”

“Who says that a non-vegetarian cannot eat vegetarian food?” I countered “S” – and then I said to him: “And who is stopping you from eating non-veg food? If you want you can also have non-veg food. In fact, you should have enjoyed the delicious cold cuts that day.”

The PMC was overhearing our tête-à-tête.

“Yes, a non-vegetarian has the best of both worlds, especially in the services,” the PMC commented, tongue-in-cheek.


MORAL OF THE STORY

If you are a pure vegetarian  it is best to steer clear of the Navy (Army and Air Force too).

And yes  the same applies if you are a teetotaller non-drinker too.

Quintessential Military Men are hard-drinking Non-Vegetarian Types.

But that is another story.

I think I have illustrated this aspect of the Navy in a story I have told you earlier.

Do you remember the story of THE “MAUKATARIAN” FREELOADER ?

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This story is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. Pictures in this blog post are downloaded from the internet from free images websites with thanks and courtesy
3. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
     
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

This post written and posted earlier by me Vikram Karve on March 27, 2014 in this Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve Blog 

Thursday, February 26, 2015

LAND ACQUISITION - A Story - DEAD END

DEAD END
Short Fiction
A Land Acquisition Story
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Land Acquisition is the current hot topic in the news and is being most hotly debated in the media.

This made me remember a story I had written long back, more than 20 years ago.

So, let me delve deep into my Creative Writing Archives and pull out this story called DEAD END for you to read.

I wrote this short story more than 20 years ago, sometime in the 1990’s.

One evening  when I had gone on a long evening walk  I happened to witness a brutal land acquisition.

It seemed that the land was being forcibly acquired by the authorities.

The might of the powers-that-be was on full display against the hapless landowners who were being evicted from their land.

The displaced landowners were protesting because the promised compensation had not been paid to them.

The hapless landowners feared that once they lost their land, they would have to make rounds of various government offices for compensation and pay bribes to get their due.

A few years later, someone told me that the land had been encroached upon – so the whole land acquisition exercise had gone waste – and the biggest losers were the erstwhile landowners who had lost their land which had been forcibly acquired.

The whole scene and situation moved me and I wrote a fiction short story called DEAD END.

At that point of time  this story DEAD END was highly appreciated.  

Huge land acquisitions take place for building projects and institutions.

In Cities – Land is acquired for road-widening – many small home owners lose their gardens – and in some cases even houses are demolished. 

I remember an old lady telling me that she lost her carefully tended garden in road-widening – and what irked her was that the footpath which was made on the land acquired from her had been illegally encroached upon and tapri stalls (shanties) had sprung up there.

I have seen displaced persons running around for their promised compensation many years after their land had been acquired.

It is all very fine to talk of the “macro” picture.

But does anyone look at it from the perspective of the displaced landowners?

Only a person whose land is forcibly acquired knows the pain of losing his land or home. 

You even hear stories  maybe apocryphal  of land being forcibly acquired from farmers ostensibly for public purposes  and then the acquired land is “de-reserved” and sold off to builders who make a huge profit by building residential and commercial projects.

With Land Acquisition being the current hot topic news – I think this fiction story DEAD END is quite relevant even today. 

Do tell me if you like the story.


DEAD END – Short Fiction Story by VIKRAM KARVE


Manjunath was a contented man.
 
He was the proud owner of a coconut grove, more than a hundred trees, located on the most picturesque stretch of the western coast, skirting the Arabian Sea. 

His land was fertile and the yield was excellent.
 
Every morning, along with his wife and two sons, Manjunath would cast his fishing nets into the gentle waters of Baicol Bay, and in the evening, when he pulled in his nets with the receding tide, the catch would be adequate, if not substantial.

He would also tend to his coconut grove and the various fruit bearing trees and vegetable shrubs he had planted on his land.
 
I loved Baicol Bay. 

It was a most beautiful and pristine place by the sea.

Sunset, on the western coast, was a special event.
 
So every evening, I went for a jog on the soft unspoilt beach, and after a swim in the crystal-clear waters, I relaxed on the sands, beholding the fascinating, yet soothing, spectacle of the mighty orange sun being devoured under the horizon of the sea.
 
As darkness enveloped, Manjunath would gently appear by my side with a tender coconut in hand.
 
At that moment, there was nothing more refreshing than sweet coconut water.
 
The year was 1980 – and I was a fresh, young and idealistic Indian Police Service (IPS) Officer, on my first posting, as Assistant Superintendent of Police (ASP) of this lovely coastal district.
 
The air was fresh and unpolluted and the weather was temperate. 

There was no railway line, no industries, and no noise. 

The district headquarters was a one-street town. 

Everybody knew everybody – the people were peace-loving – and in the prevailing climate of contentment, it was no surprise that the crime-rate was almost zero.
 
One day, my boss, the Superintendent of Police (SP) took me to an important meeting in the District Collector’s office.
 
As I heard the words of the Collector – I experienced a deep sense of distress. 

A notification had been issued and a mammoth Steel Plant had been sanctioned in the Baicol Bay area. 

Land Acquisition was the immediate top priority. 

The police were to be present to see that the land acquisition process was smooth and to ensure there was no law and order problem.
 
“But why can’t they locate the Steel Plant somewhere else? This lovely place will be ruined. And where will the people go?” I protested.
 
At first – the Collector appeared dumbstruck by my interruption. 

Then he glowered at me with a fierce and threatening stare. 

I avoided his gaze and looked around the room. 

Everyone was looking at me in a curious manner. 

My boss, the SP, was desperately gesturing to me to keep quiet.
 
“I wonder whose side you are on?” the Collector snapped angrily, still giving me an intimidating glare.
 
“Don’t worry, Sir,” the SP spoke, addressing the Collector, “There will be no problems. The people here are a docile lot. Everything shall proceed smoothly.”
 
When we were driving back to our office, the SP said, “Joshi, you better tame your tongue and watch what you say, especially in front of others.”
 
“Sir, you please tell me. Is it not gross injustice? We pay them a pittance for their fertile land. And then we evict them from their habitat, and destroy the beauty of this place, just because someone decides to set up a set up a Steel Plant here.”
 
“My dear Joshi – it is in the national interest. Why don’t you try and understand. Everyone who is displaced shall be properly rehabilitated with a job and a house – and they will also get a good compensation for their land.”
 
“Come on, sir,” I argued, “You know where we are going to relocate them. The rehabilitation camp is more than twenty kilometres away from the sea front. And we are putting them into small overcrowded multi-storeyed tenements, which are at complete variance from their ethos. These people are used to open spaces, fresh air, and most important – the waterfront, the sea.”
 
“That’s enough, Joshi,” the SP said angrily, “Your job is to carry out my orders. I want you to take personal charge of this land acquisition operation. The task must be completed smoothly and on schedule. Is that clear?”
 
“Yes, sir,” I replied meekly.
 
That evening I held a meeting with the affected villagers. 

Manjunath was sitting in the first row, right in front of me. 

I spoke of patriotism – I exhorted them to sacrifice their land for the “national cause” – I told them of the prosperity the Steel Plant would bring into their lives.
 
To my utter surprise – there was no resistance to the land acquisition. 

Everyone seemed convinced – I think because they were simple people who believed every word I said.

But to my own self – my own words sounded insincere – and I felt acutely uncomfortable.
 
And so the land acquisition operation began.
 
An awe-struck Manjunath saw the might of the government on display. 

Manjunath watched with tears in his eyes as huge bulldozers destroyed his beloved coconut grove.

He also felt intimidated by the columns of police standing by to ensure that the land acquisition process was done smoothly.

And so – Manjunath lost his land – and was displaced from his home.

But – in lieu of his land – and since he was a displaced person – Manjunath had been promised a job at the Steel Plant which was going to come up on his land.
 
A few months later Manjunath stood before the employment officer. 

The employment officer was in a foul mood. 

“These illiterate buggers get jobs on a platter while my matriculate brother-in-law rots unemployed in city,” he complained, “I had promised my wife that I would wrangle at least a Class 4 unskilled labourer, domestic attendant or peon’s job for him out here.”
 
“Hold your tongue,” the rehabilitation officer said angrily, “These so-called ‘illiterate buggers’, as you call them, were land-owners, displaced from their own land. They are entitled a job in lieu of their land acquired for this project.”
 
“Okay, okay. Don’t get hot,” the employment officer said to the rehabilitation officer. 

Then, the employment officer looked at Manjunath and curtly asked him, “Do you possess any special skills?”
 
Manjunath could not comprehend, so he just stood silent.
 
In an exasperated manner, the employment officer snapped, “We haven’t got all day. Tell me. What can you do?”
 
“Coconuts,” Manjunath answered.
 
“Coconuts?”
 
“Yes, Sir. Coconuts.”
 
“What else?”
 
“Fish.”
 
“Fish and Coconuts, eh! You will see plenty of them,” the employment officer said. 

He wrote the word ‘cook’ beside Manjunath’s name in the register.
 
And so, at one stroke, Manjunath was transformed from a land-owner into a cook.

First he worked as a cook in the ramshackle canteen for construction workers.

And later as a cook in the huge industrial canteen of the Steel Plant.
 
But Manjunath was lucky. 

At least he had become a cook. 

Most others became Unskilled Labourers because the skills they possessed, like farming and fishing, were not relevant as far as the Steel Plant was concerned.
 
And so almost all the “skilled” workers – the tradesmen, all the welders, fitters, machinists, electricians etc – they all came from outside, from faraway places – most of the workforce of the steel plant came from the cities and the urban areas. 

And gradually – the complexion of the place began to change.
 
Soon, I stopped going for my daily evening jog to Baicol beach.

Now the whole place was littered with debris from the construction work and the air was no longer pure, but polluted by fumes and dust.

It was no longer quiet and calm, but the noise from the ongoing construction work was unbearable.
 
And, of course, now there would be no Manjunath waiting for me with a tender coconut in hand.
 
So when my transfer came  I felt relieved and happy.

I no longer loved the place  and  more so  I could not bear the pain of witnessing the beginning of the systematic metamorphosis of a beautiful natural paradise into a huge monster of concrete and steel.

Somehow I never had the opportunity to visit that place for many years.
 
Then, after 15 long years, I had to go there as a DIG.

The place had changed beyond recognition. 

The gigantic steel plant  the railway line  the new port  the industries  the ‘fruits’ of liberalization  and the signs of prosperity  modern buildings adorned by adjoining slums  filth and polluted air  all types of vehicles clogging the roads  restaurants and bars  the noise  and even most of the people looked alien.
 
As we drove down to the police headquarters, the SP said, “It’s not the same place when you were here, sir.”
 
“The crime-rate was zero then,” I said. “What has gone wrong?”
 
“There are two types of people now, Sir – the liberalised Indian and the marginalised Indian.”
 
“And us!”
 
“And us,” he laughed, “yes, sir, and us trying to sort the whole thing out.”
 
I was head of the crime branch at the state police headquarters and I had been sent down to investigate a series of bizarre murders. 

A few bigwigs were waylaid – they had their heads chopped off – and their headless bodies were dumped outside their houses. 

It had created such a scare that my boss had rushed me down.
 
The car stopped. 

I recognized the place at once.
 
“The common thread, sir,” the SP said, “All the victims lived in this luxury residential enclave.”
 
“I knew this place,” I said, feeling a tinge of nostalgia, “There used to be a coconut grove here. This place was acquired for the steel plant. But now I see that it is just outside the perimeter wall. I wonder why they excluded this area.”
 
“Must be the environment stipulations, sir,” the SP mumbled, “the 200 meter zone or something. They must have de-notified it.”
 
“De-notified it? Don’t give me bullshit!” I shouted, “How the hell has this posh residential complex come up here? And if the government did not want the land for the steel plant  then why was this excess acquired land not returned back to the original owners?”
         
“Sir  this land which was sold by the acre in your time, 15 years ago – now it is priced per square foot.”
 
“The fruits of progress, is it?” I snapped.
 
I could see that the SP was getting confused by my unexpected line of investigation  and he was getting a bit scared too  for I was a DIG. 

So I decided to put him at ease.
 
“Tell me, Pandey,” I said patronizingly, “What were you before joining the IPS?”
 
“An Engineer, Sir. From IIT, Delhi.”
 
This was no surprise.

Engineers, even doctors, were joining the IAS and IPS nowadays. 

I looked at the SP, and I said, “Let me explain in a way you will understand.”
 
Pandey was looking at me intently.
 
I paused, and I asked him. “Do you know the definition of the term system?”
 
“Yes, sir,” he answered.
 
“Every system has a natural rhythm,” I said, “take this place for example. All the people here in this system, farmers, fishermen, everyone, they all had a natural rhythm of life which perfectly matched the rhythm of this place. And there was harmony. Then suddenly we disturb the system. We drastically change the rhythm of the place. We create a mismatch. And when the people cannot cope up, we call them ‘marginalised Indians’ – as you put it.”
 
Pandey looked thoroughly confused  so I avoided further rhetoric and came straight to the point, “You are looking for a motive, isn’t it, Pandey?”
 
“Yes, Sir,” he said.
 
“Okay, consider this. You own some fertile land. We forcibly acquire it, mouthing platitudes like ‘national interest’, ‘patriotism’ etc. Then we sit on your land for 15 long years while you are reduced from an owner to a labourer. And then, one fine day, you find that your beloved land been grabbed by some land-sharks from the city. What would you do?”
 
The SP did not reply.
 
“Do one thing, Pandey,” I said. “There is a man called Manjunath. He probably works as a cook in the Steel Plant canteen. Bring him to me. He may have some clue and maybe he will give us a lead.”
 
In my mind’s eye  I was thinking of ways of how to get Manjunath off the hook.
 
An hour later  the SP came rushing into the police headquarters. 

The SP looked dazed  as if he had been pole-axed. 

“The guy went crazy,” the SP stammered, Sir, when the police party approached him, he was chopping coconuts with a sharp sickle. Suddenly he slashed his own neck. He died on the way to hospital. There is blood everywhere.”
 
In the morgue, staring sadly at Manjunath’s dead body, the SP commented, “Look at the expression on his face, Sir. He looks so content.”

“Yes,” I said, “He has reached the dead end.”

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
     
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
 

This fiction short story was written by me Vikram Karve more than 20 years ago, in the 1990’s. Later, I posted the story online on my creative writing blogs a number of times, including in this blog at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2011/12/dead-end-my-favourite-short-stories.html