Saturday, February 1, 2014

HUMOR IN UNIFORM – FRESH WATER TANKY TALES – Part 2 – IS HAMAM ME SAB NANGE NAHIN HAIN ( इस हमाम में सब नंगे नहीं हैं )

HUMOR IN UNIFORM

FRESH WATER TANKY TALES – Part 2

IS HAMAM ME SAB NANGE NAHIN HAIN ( इस हमाम में सब नंगे नहीं हैं )
Hilarious Memories of my Navy Life
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Continued from HAMAM MEIN SAB NANGE HAIN (Everyone is Naked in the Bathroom)

Dear Reader: I trust you have read my earlier post HAMAM MEIN SAB NANGE HAIN

If you have read HAMAM MEIN SAB NANGE HAIN, you’ll get the drift because this story pertains to the same ship with the perpetual fresh water shortage, so read on and have a laugh.

If you haven’t read HAMAM MEIN SAB NANGE HAIN, please click the url link below and read the story in a new window – and after you have read the story do remember to come back here and read this “Humor in (and out of) Uniform”:


IS HAMAM ME SAB NANGE NAHIN HAIN इस हमाम में सब नंगे नहीं हैं )

Disclaimer:
1. Please read this apocryphal story only if you have a sense of humor. This yarn is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2.  This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)


IS HAMAM ME SAB NANGE NAHIN HAIN – an apocryphal story by VIKRAM KARVE

The best thing about this ship was the Executive Officer (XO), an aviator with a cheerful temperament and friendly nature, who never pulled rank and took everyone along – he also happened to be the PMC – and the result was that, despite the hardships, we had a very happy wardroom, and this cordial atmosphere percolated to the lower decks as well.

The XO did not demand any special privileges, he had quite a laissez faire approach to work, and he would happily join us in the “Is Haman Mein Sab Nange Hain” combined bathing sessions.

You may say that I am generalizing, and you may not agree with me, but in my opinion, aviators make the best XO’s on ships.

On my earlier ship too, it was like a breath of fresh air when an aviator replaced a most painful nit-picking XO.

Aviators came on board ships for their “mandatory sea tenure” and then went back to flying. So they wanted a happy sea-time.

Accordingly, after spending one year on board our ship, our aviator XO went back to his first love, aviation duties, and the Captain changed too.

The new XO, a Communicator, was a namby-pamby wimp, and, like most communicators, he was a smooth-talking pernickety pain in the arse.

“He is a bloody prick,” said an officer who had served with the XO on an earlier ship.

“You mean prig?”

“I mean “prick” – P R I C K,” he spelt it out.

“Okay let’s say he is a priggish prick.”

Soon it was unanimously agreed that the new XO was a “priggish prick”, but since he was more of a “prick” than a “prig”, everyone called him “prick”.

The new XO found fault with everything, and worse, he blamed his predecessor, the well-liked aviator XO, for being too lenient and spoiling the crew.

A constipated, frustrated “killjoy”, the new XO tried his best to make life as painful as possible.

Though small in stature, light in weight, and effeminate in appearance, the new XO feigned a rather amusing spectacle as he tried to pull rank and throw his weight around trying to demonstrate that he was the second-in-command of the ship.

This snobbish posturing may have worked elsewhere, but it cut no ice on this ship which had a hardened crew.

Ever since he had arrived, the XO had started a running battle with the Flight Commander over OOW and OOD duties.

Though the Flight Commander was a qualified watchkeeper, by convention, he did not do watchkeeping duties on this ship, and the other Executive Officers did not seem to mind.

However, the new XO embarked on a holy crusade to “teach him a lesson” and get the aviators to do watchkeeping duties, and indeed the new XO wanted to teach everyone a lesson, especially us from the earlier crew.

Someone said that the XO was an Air Force grounded cadet, sent to the Navy, and because of this, he hated all pilots, since he had failed to be one.

One evening, during a longish sailing, feeling grimy without a bath thanks to the strict water routine due to the perpetual shortage of water, I was sitting in my cabin finishing some paperwork.

“Want to have a hot water bath?” the Flight Commander said, peeping into my cabin.

“Hot water bath?” I said, surprised, looking at the Flight Commander, who looked freshly bathed and smelt of soap.

“Go quickly to the bathroom. The fresh-water-tanky will be waiting for you with a bucket of hot water. After you finish your bath, ask him to get another bucket of hot water for Guns – I’ll tell Guns.”

“You got water with you on the helo or what?” I asked.

He laughed, and said, “Come on, don’t be crazy. The hot water bucket was meant for “prick” – I hijacked it.”

“What the bloody hell? “Prick” is bathing in hot water when others don’t even get a drop of water to drink?”

“After Guns finishes, we’ll tell Senior – I wonder if he knows what’s happening?”

As usual, there had been a strict water routine in this sailing too, so who could refuse the offer of a bath – and that too the luxury of a hot water bath.

So, I rushed to the bathroom.

The fresh-water-tanky was standing by with a bucket of hot water.

The moment he saw me in a towel, his face dropped, and the fresh-water-tanky pleaded, “Sir, the water routine is only in the morning. Sir, this water is meant for the XO. Flight Commander took one bucket, now you will have a bath?”

“Have you taken permission from Senior Engineer?” I shouted.

“No, Sir – XO asked me not to tell anyone.”

“From where have you got the hot water?”

“I got it from the galley, Sir.”

“After I finish, go and get one more bucket for the Gunnery Officer,” I said, “and get one more for the Senior Engineer.”

“Sir, what about the XO – there will be no water left,” the hapless fresh-water-tanky pleaded.

“The XO can do dry cleaning. Now go and get water for Guns and Senior.”

The XO was waiting in his cabin for the fresh-water-tanky to “report readiness” to him.

Then, getting impatient, he walked down to the officers’ bathroom, properly turned out (in an officer-like manner) wearing a bath-robe.

He opened the door.

The sight he saw startled him.

Two totally naked hairy scary hulks, Guns and Senior, were bathing away to glory.

Magnanimously, they invited the XO to join them.

The XO beat a hasty retreat.


VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

Did you like this story?
I am sure you will like the 27 short stories from my recently published anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL
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About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional  and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@hotmail.com
Twitter: @vikramwkarve
      
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
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