Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Notional Loss – A Story

After hearing a debate on the 7th Central Pay Commission (7CPC) announced today – which seems to have dissatisfied many employees – I remembered this story.

Why did I remember this story...?

Read the story – and you figure it out...

THE MAN WHO WANTED TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK
Theory of Notional Loss
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE

One day – a man went to visit a patient in hospital.

The patient was his office colleague convalescing in hospital after heart surgery – following a massive heart attack.

Fascinated by the sophisticated and luxurious facilities in the hospital – the man asked his recuperating friend how much the heart surgery had cost him. 

“Over five lakhs,” the patient said.

“My God – that’s expensive. How can you afford it...?”

“Medical Reimbursement...” the patient said.

“Medical Reimbursement...? Does that mean that you don’t have to pay any money for all this medical treatment...?”

“Of course I don’t have to pay from my own pocket – they pay everything. That is why I joined the medical health insurance scheme. All office staff are members of this scheme – you too are a member – aren’t you...? So even if you have a heart surgery  they will pay everything.”

“Really...? Is it true. If I have a heart attack right here – here and now – will they will pay for all my treatment...?” the man asked.

“Of course they will pay. You are a member of the health insurance scheme. You are entitled all medical treatment – just like me...” the patient said.

For some time – the man kept brooding – and he appeared to be in low spirits. 

Then – he suddenly started shouting in the hospital: 

“I want to have a heart attack  I want to have a heart attack...”

Everyone was stunned by his strange behaviour. 

Doctors tried to calm him down.

But – the man kept on screaming loudly: 

“I want to have a heart attack  I want to have a heart attack... 

So – they evicted him from the hospital.

Later when he had cooled down – his wife and his friends asked him the reason for his crazy behaviour in the hospital.

“I have lost 5 Lakh Rupees...!” the man said.

“You have lost 5 lakh Rupees...? Where...? How did you lose Five Lakhs Rupees...?” they all asked

“I lost 5 lakh rupees worth of medical reimbursement just because I did not have a heart attack. That is why I want to have a heart attack. So I will get 5 lakh rupees for a heart surgery and medical treatment which is my due...” the man said.

And then – he started shouting again: 

“I want to have a heart attack  I want to have a heart attack...

Soon – the man became crazy. 

So – they admitted him into the psychiatric ward for treatment.

Of course  though he had gone crazy – he would receive medical reimbursement for the cost of psychiatric treatment.

So – at last  he had got pyrrhic justice.

The notional loss he had suffered because he had not had a heart attack  would now be mitigated to some extent because he had gone crazy...! 

Yes – he had suffered a notional loss because he did not have a heart attack.

But now – since he had gone insane – he would make good at least a part of the notional loss he had suffered – since he would be reimbursed the cost of psychiatric treatment.

Look back on your life – have you suffered such notional losses too...?

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh. 
2. This story is a work of fictionEvents, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Mood Swings – How to Control Your Mood – Let Thoughts Drive Your Feelings

Are you a moody person...?

Do you have mood swings”...? 

Do you want to be always in a good mood”...?

I constantly try to be in a good mood”.

It is easier said that done – but I keep trying my best.

Let me share my Self Help for Moody Persons “Mantra” with you.

ARE YOU A “MOODY” PERSON ?
Self Help – How to be Happy 
By
VIKRAM KARVE

I am a “moody” person.

That is my nature.

Since I am a “moody person” – I have “mood swings”.

Owing to my “mood swings” – I am prone to negative emotions like anger and depression – and worse – I wear my emotions on my sleeve – so everyone can see my “mood”.

Hence – whenever I start feeling depressed, angry or experience negative emotions – I try to “swing” my mood to the positive side.

Mostly I succeed – but – on a few occasions – I am not so successful in “swinging” my mood totally – but then – I try my best to get into a “good mood”.

Before I “pontificate” on how to “swing” your mood – let me tell you a bit about the“Emotion – Mood – Temperament” continuum – and why it is important for you to remain in a “good mood”.


“EMOTION” “MOOD” “TEMPERAMENT”

EMOTION is a response to a “stimulus” (or situation).

This “stimulus” can be either external (outside you) or internal (inside you).

MOOD is a long duration feeling as compared to emotion.

Emotions come and go – but Mood persists.

Emotion remains as long as the trigger (stimulus) remains.

But Mood remains for some time – even after the stimulus goes away.

And – sometimes – mood may not need a specific stimulus.

TEMPERAMENT – When Mood persists for a long period it becomes Temperament.

Yes – “Temperament” is “Long Term Mood”

Emotion comes First whenever you are in Danger – leading to impulsive action to save you from that danger (fight or flight response).

Otherwise – normally – Thought comes First – and then – Emotion Follows.

It is desirable that Thought precedes Emotion.

If you can manage your THOUGHTS – you can manage your EMOTIONS – and consequently – you will be able to manage your MOOD and TEMPERAMENT.

This may be easy for you – but for a “moody” person like me – this is easier said than done.


DO FEELINGS DRIVE YOUR THOUGHTS...?

Thoughts play a very important role in your life – whereas your feelings can make or break you – and also affect the lives of others around you.

Very often – we let our Attitudes or Feelings hold sway over our lives – rather than let our Thoughts govern our lives.

You let your Feelings drive your Thoughts.

You do not realize that Thoughts drive Actions – and – Actions produce Results.

These Results produce more Feelings.

And these Feelings – in turn – drive your Thoughts.

This leads to a “vicious circle” – which may ultimately lead to loss of self-control.

If you start off with negative feelings – this “vicious circle” of “Feeling-Thought-Action-Result-Feeling…” can spiral into depression or anger.


YOU CANNOT CONTROL YOUR FEELINGS

Feelings are not totally controllable – especially for a “moody” person like me.

Many times – Feelings are produced by external circumstances beyond your control.

If negative Feelings are allowed to drive your Thoughts and Actions – then undesirable Results may emanate.

These undesirable Results in turn produce further not-so-good Feelings – and – the vicious cycle continues.

This is true for any unpleasant or negative Feelings – like anger, envy, worry, disgust or hatred – which tend to drive our Thoughts and Actions – and quickly take charge of our lives.

An analysis of other options indicates that both Actions and Results are not suitable alternative drivers – since they also are not totally controllable – and will not always be pleasing.

The best solution is to establish ‘Thought’ as the driver – because it is controllable – and – we can get good Results.


LET THOUGHTS DRIVE YOUR FEELINGS

Your Thoughts are in your control – because you can choose what you want to think about.

Moreover – there is a matter of choice.

It is very much in our control to think good and interesting thoughts.

The happiest persons are those who thinks the most interesting and good thoughts.

The human mind cannot totally prevent poor quality thoughts from arising – but you can choose whether or not to dwell on them.

You can move your mind from dwelling on poor quality thoughts by selecting alternative beneficial or pleasant thoughts to focus on.

Choosing to be driven by thoughts – and – then controlling those thoughts – will get you the best possible results.

Positive thoughts lead to good performance (right actions) – which yields desirable results – which in turn produces good feelings.

Good feelings are conducive to better thoughts – and – progressively – this positively reinforcing cycle facilitates a high degree of self-control  and an overall feeling of happiness.

When good thoughts are combined with good potential – the results can be remarkable.

Thus – the very basis of self-control is:

Refuse to allow our feelings to control our responses – and – instead – dwell on good, pleasant, joy-producing positive thoughts.

Develop and apply your skill to control your thoughts.

Certain NLP techniques like Swish Pattern are highly effective in achieving this.

By “Positive Thinking” you can gain mastery over controlling your thoughts and thereby letting your thoughts govern your lives.

“Good Thoughts” will make you “Feel Good”.

“Feel Good” will generate “Positive Feelings”.

“Positive Feelings” will make you perform “Good Actions”.

“Good Actions” will produce “Good Results”.

“Good Results” in turn will produce “Good Thoughts”.

And – this positive reinforcing spiral will keep you in a good mood.

That is the key to a happy and healthy life.

It works.

You can take my word for it.

Let me end with a quote from the famous Stoic philosopher Epictetus:

Some things are under our control  others are not. 

Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: 

Some things are within our control  and some things are not. 

It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental rule – and learned to distinguish between what you can and cannot control  that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible.

~ Epictetus

Remember: 

Thinking interesting thoughts is fully within your control 

whereas your feelings may be dependent on things beyond your control.

Hence – do not let your feelings drive your thoughts – but – take charge of your thoughts and try to ensure that your thoughts drive your feelings – and “swing” your mood by thinking happy thoughts.

Cheers.

Be Happy.

May you always keep your emotions in check by thinking interesting thoughts.

May you always be in a good mood – and may you have a happy, optimistic and calm temperament.


VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. These are my personal views. Please do your own due diligence while selecting a philosophy of life.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Foodie Humor in Uniform – Poached Eggs for the “Sea-Doll”

Humor in Uniform

POACHED EGGS
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Sometime ago – a fellow foodie uploaded a picture of a ‘poached egg’ on Facebook. 


Poached Egg

This reminded me of a hilarious ‘poached eggs’ anecdote in the wardroom of a frontline navy warship many years ago – in the 1980’s. 

When I joined the Navy in the 1970’s – warships were classified into 3 types – and – this made it necessary to have separate ‘streams’ for training.

Accordingly – Officers and Sailors would be assigned to one of the ‘streams’ and be trained for selected equipment in that ‘stream’ – and appointed on ships of relevant stream for which they were trained.

The 3 basic ‘Streams’ were:

1. “A” Stream comprising the latest “Western Origin” Ships like Leander Class Frigates.

2. “B” Stream comprising older “Western Origin” Ships.

3. “C” Stream comprising the latest Soviet (Russian) acquisition ships.


“A” Stream Brand New “Western Origin” Ships were comfortable Leander Class Frigates of British Design. As you know – the ‘British Navy’ is called the ‘Royal Navy’ – and “A” Stream Ships were “Royal” too – with snobbish stiff-upper-lip “Royal Culture” and consequent ‘class distinctions’ between Officers and Sailors.

On the other hand – “C” Stream Ships of “Eastern Origin” (Soviet Union/Russia) with their Socialist Egalitarian Design were comparatively ‘Spartan’ as far as ‘creature comforts’ were concerned – the focus being on densely ‘packing in’ maximum equipment – with lesser emphasis on ‘creature comforts’ and cozy habitability.

Life on “C” Stream ships was austere and grueling as compared to “A” Stream ships.

“C” Stream Officers enviously called “A” Stream Ships as “Hotel Ships”.

Another advantage of “A” Stream Ships was that – those days – “A” Stream “Western Origin” ships were based at Mumbai (then called Bombay)

On the other hand – most “C” Stream “Eastern Origin” Ships were based at Visakhapatnam (Vizag) – which – those days – in the 1970’s – was a “one street town”

(Of course – now – Visakhapatnam is a modern vibrant metropolis and a beautiful city).

I was lucky to be allotted “A” Stream – so I enjoyed myself thoroughly on my first two ships – both were comfortable Frigates of which were based in Mumbai.

After a few years – I was expecting to be appointed on a “A” Stream ship – but someone in NHQ got some crazy ideas about “cross-pollination” and “cross-fertilization” – so – I landed up on a “C” Stream ship.

My ship was a frontline Destroyer – at that time – the most powerful and modern warship in the Navy – with state-of-the-art weapon systems and equipment.

Of course – though not as austere as earlier “C” Stream ships – my new ship was not as comfortable as her contemporary “A” Stream “Hotel Ships”.

My new ship was “first of its class” – built in the Soviet Union (Russia) – and – in the true spirit of egalitarian socialist “comradeship” – there was no separate galley (kitchen) for officers.

So – food for officers was cooked in the common galley along with sailors’ food – and it had to be carried by stewards all the way down the alleyway to the wardroom which was quite far away.

Hence – the stewards had a tough time – especially while sailing – when the full complement of officers would descend in the wardroom for meals.

To make matters worse – our ship was designated “Flagship” most of the time – with an additional complement of “Fleet Staff’ also eating in the wardroom.

Thus – the wardroom – which was already strained catering to the ship’s officers – had to provide for supernumeraries as well.

During one such sailing – we were sitting for breakfast – and I noticed a new Commander from the Fleet Staff – he seemed to have been newly posted to the Fleet Staff.

I looked at the Commander.

He seemed to be a “stiff-upper-lip” Royal Navy Style “Sea-Doll” 

He was certainly from the“A” Stream.

The steward asked us: “Eggs to order, Sir…?”

Now – during sailing – in view of the common ship’s galley from where the food had to be carried – generally – there were just two choices in “eggs to order” – you either had Boiled Eggs  or you had a Masala Omelette.

I ordered my customary “Omelette”.

The Commander said: “Poached Eggs”.

I smiled to myself: “Poached Eggs – Ha Ha. And on this ship…?”

This guy was certainly a snobbish type from the “A” Stream – maybe he had even commanded one of those “Hotel Ships”.

After some time – the steward placed an “Omelette” in front of me (as I had ordered).

And – to my amusement – the steward placed an “Omelette” in front of the “Sea-Doll” Commander too.

The Commander looked angrily at the Steward and said: 

“I ordered ‘Poached Eggs’ – not an ‘Omelette’ – take this ‘Omelette’ away and get me ‘Poached Eggs’…”

The Steward took the “Omelette” away.

After some time  another Steward placed Two ‘Boiled Eggs’ in front of the snooty Commander.

“I don’t want bloody ‘Boiled Eggs’ – I ordered ‘Poached Eggs’…” the Commander shouted at the Steward.

This was going to be fun.

There was still time for “Both Watches” – so – I ordered another ‘Omelette’ – and I waited in eager anticipation – for events to unfold.

After a long wait – a Steward landed up with two “Bulls Eye” Soft ‘Fried Eggs’ – and placed them in front of the Commander.

The astounded Commander had a look at the ‘Fried Eggs’.

“What the hell is this…? These are ‘Fried Eggs’. Don’t you know what ‘Poached Eggs’ are…? Call the bloody ‘Chief Steward’…” the ‘high and mighty’ Commander barked at the hapless Steward.

The Chief Steward duly landed up.

The snobby Commander scolded the Chief Steward: 

“Don’t your Stewards and Cooks know what a ‘Poached Egg’ is…? I have ordered ‘Poached Eggs’ – and these buggers got me an ‘Omelette’ – then ‘Boiled Eggs’ – and – then – ‘Fried Eggs’ – they are giving me all types of Eggs – except ‘Poached Eggs’…”

“Sir – we have a common galley…” the Chief Steward tried to explain.

But – the ‘stuck-up’ Commander shouted at the Chief Steward: 

“Don’t give me bullshit – just get me ‘Poached Eggs’ – do you understand…?”

I finished my second ‘Omelette’ – and coffee – but the ‘Poached Eggs’ had still not arrived.

“Both Watches” was piped – so I excused myself – and left the wardroom.

I do not know what happened after that – whether the snooty Commander got his ‘Poached Eggs’ or not.

But – a hilarious thing happened next morning.

The moment the snobbish “Sea-Doll” Commander arrived and sat down for breakfast – a Steward opened the fridge – and the Steward took out a pair of cold ‘Poached Eggs’ (prepared the previous night).

The cold soggy ‘Poached Eggs’ were placed in front of the snobbish Commander.

I looked at the stale cold crumpled soggy ‘Poached Eggs’.

The eggs looked most ‘unappetizing’ – to say the least.

The ‘high and mighty’ Commander looked at the hideous shriveled cold ‘Poached Eggs’

From the expression of nausea on his face – it looked as if he was going to throw up.

“Take these horrible ‘Poached Eggs’ away – and get me an ‘Omelette’ …” the “Sea-Doll” Commander ordered the Steward.

I smiled to myself.

As my “C” Stream friends used to say – “C” Stream is a great leveler.

But one thing was sure – ‘camaraderie’ on “C” Stream Ships was much better. 

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This fiction story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

This is a re-post of my story POACHED EGGS posted online by me Vikram Karve in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog earlier at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/02/humor-in-uniform-poached-eggs.html